we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
