well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
