i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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