he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Say something about gay babies.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
