i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
