How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
