just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
