Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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