Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
