First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
