He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
