He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
