i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
