i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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