He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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