Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
