i think i have herpe
just one?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is my gift to your gina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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