If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
