At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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