grandma shit on top of the toilet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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