you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
