He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
