I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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