i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
