NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
pop tarts are not kleenex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons