Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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