i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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