i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head