i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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