he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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