dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
