please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I will pee on everything he values.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
