Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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