yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
