In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye