K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom