and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.