I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
