I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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