I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
