wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
