ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
