There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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