just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
