When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
