I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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