Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
