Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
