He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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