Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
