If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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