I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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