You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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