you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
