How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
