i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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