Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
