FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So. Much. Porn.
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