I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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