1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh god it's open bar.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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