Im at strip club and am horny
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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