Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
