My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
